Supporting Suicide Loss Survivors: What Helps and What Hurts

When tragedy strikes our family or friends, we instinctively want to help. We want to ease even a fraction of the pain that grieving parents and loved ones feel. But how? What do we say? What do we do? Should we share our favorite memories, or would that be too painful? What if I say or do something wrong and make things worse?

Last month, the courageous mothers in our Hope is Alive support group—a community led by and for mothers who have lost a child to suicide—opened their hearts and revisited the darkest days of their grief. They shared their raw, personal experiences, reflecting on what brought them comfort and what didn’t. Their insights serve as a powerful reminder that even when words fail us, our presence, compassion, and connection can make all the difference.

What Suicide Loss Survivors Want You to Know

Losing a loved one to suicide brings immense and lasting pain. Guilt, anger, shock, denial, isolation, and helplessness are just some of the emotions that follow. While nothing can erase this grief, your presence and support can provide comfort. Simply showing up, listening without judgment, and acknowledging their pain can make all the difference.

What NOT to Say or Do:

Don’t ask “how” they died. It can be intrusive and painful.
Don’t speculate on why it happened. Suicide is complex, and assumptions can be harmful.
Don’t say “stay strong.” It feels like being told not to process their feelings. 
Don’t say “they’re in a better place.” Time doesn’t heal all wounds, and grief doesn’t follow a schedule. Yes, “life goes on,” but it’s never the same. And…”everything” does NOT happen for a reason. 
Don’t say “committed suicide.” This phrase implies a crime. Instead, say “died by suicide” or “took their life.”
Don’t suggest they should be “over it” by now. There is no timeline for grief!
Don’t offer advice. Unless this has happened to you, you have no idea. 
Never assume this couldn’t happen to you. Suicide touches more lives than we realize.

What You CAN Do to Help:

Reach out. Don’t be afraid to reach out because you don’t know what to do or say. It’s hurtful to be ignored or avoided.
Be a good listener. Even if the same story is repeated over and over, listening shows you care.
Accept that grief has no timeline. There’s no “moving on,” only moving forward at their own pace.
Share positive memories. Hearing memories and stories about their loved one brings comfort.
If you don’t know what to say, simply say, “I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m here for you.”
Offer practical help. Ask if they need support with childcare, groceries, errands, meals or daily tasks.

Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things anyone can go through. In times of grief, it’s so important to be kind, respectful, and considerate of everyone’s feelings. Even the smallest gestures—offering a listening ear, a warm meal, or simply sitting beside someone in silence—can bring comfort. Sometimes, there are no perfect words, but just being there and showing you care can mean the world to someone whose life has been turned upside down.

With love and understanding,
Mothers who have lost a child to suicide

Mental Health America Lakeshore offers several support groups: Click Here