Friendship, Love, and February
February shows up LOUD. Hearts everywhere. Big feelings. Stores decorated in reds, pinks, and the dust of candy hearts. A whole lot of messaging about love that can feel sweet, or overwhelming, or just plain exhausting depending on where you’re at.
For many of us, February has a way of highlighting relationships; strong ones, dear ones, old or new, casual ones, forgotten ones, ones that ended bitterly, ones that we grieve. Whether you look forward to the “month of love”, ignore it completely, or feel a little out of step with the world during this season, you’re not doing it wrong and you’re certainly not alone. You are one amongst the many.
Friendships are often our first experience of love outside our biological/chosen families, which means they also carry real emotional weight. Losing the connection of a friend/loved one (whether slowly or suddenly) can hurt in ways that don’t always get acknowledged, and this time of year may bring memories and a slew of emotions with it. There’s no official script for grieving friendships, no sympathy cards, no socially accepted “timeframe” for moving on. February doesn’t have to be about forced joy or pretending everything is fine. It can be about moving, gently. Let’s offer kindness, especially inward. Appreciate the connections that feel safe right now, even if they look different than they once did. Offer thanks and grace to the connections that were there for a reason, even if they no longer serve you. Perhaps bring attention to the connections that may just need a little bit of kindling. If you find yourself wanting to let someone know you care about them but need a little nudge, here are some ways to open the door:
- Share a memory you have with them that still makes you smile
- Send a “This made me think of you” message
- Leave a short voice memo, which alleviates the awkwardness that can come with phone calls
- Invite someone to join in what you are already doing (coffee, walk, errands, outings with the kids)
- Send a “No pressure to reply, just checking in” message
- Go old-school with a hand-written letter or card
No matter the method, focus on the courage to reach out, without focusing on an outcome.
Watching Our Kids Feel It Too
For parents, this month can bring extra awareness too. You might notice your child navigating friendship changes. Maybe they count their Valentines or take too much notice when one isn’t received from a “special someone”. They may be quietly realizing a friendship isn’t what it used to be. It’s tough to watch, and even tougher to know how to help without fixing everything.
Sometimes the most supportive thing we can do is normalize the experience. To gently remind our kids (and ourselves) that not every friendship is meant to last forever, nor will it always feel or look the same. This doesn’t diminish its value; love can exist even when relationships change. Feeling left out hurts but it doesn’t define our worth.
Acknowledge the Seasons
Like many parts of life, friendship has seasons too. Spring may bring budding opportunities for connection, Summer brings with her long days of shared sunshine, Autumn drops a few awkward silences or cancelled plans, and Winter may be when you and those around you choose hibernation and solace, over busy social schedules. Find peace in this and rest assured- come next spring, it all blooms again.
If this month in your season stirs up sadness, nostalgia, or a quiet sense of loneliness, know that it’s all a part of the design. If potential for new friendships present themselves, seize the moment! When current friendships shift or change, ride the wave and find peace, knowing that even this part of life will experience seasons. No matter where life finds you this month, leave room for tenderness alongside the hearts and chocolates. There’s room for renewal, invention, remembering, grieving, and hoping, all at the same time.
Resources
The Kids Mental Health Foundation has a great article for parents, for helping kids recognize and build healthy relationships: Helping Kids Make Friends – The Kids Mental Health Foundation
Mental Health America has an actionable article for youth, outlining how to be the best support to a friend in need: For youth: Basics for supporting friends | Mental Health America
Mental Health America has a resource for those of us that may need some social support, recognizing the importance of social networks and mental wellness: Social Support: Getting and Staying Connected | Mental Health America
